The SH22 Dating Game

by Mary Christmas and Liz DeJong

The Dating Game!

Posted by Mary on 5/28/2001, 11:34 am, in reply to "Re: Interview"

ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Dating Game! And now here's your host, Mary Christmas!

MARY: Thank you, Bob. On today's show we have Inspector Beth Lestrade. She is going to have to pick one of three eligible bachelors. Inspector, why don't you tell us a little about yourself.

LESTRADE: (looking confused) Huh? How did I get here?

MARY: I put you here. You're on The Dating Game!

LESTRADE: (glaring at host) That better not mean what I think it means.

MARY: Of course it does. Now as I asked before, 'Why don't you tell us a little about yourself?'

LESTRADE: No way. I'm outta here.
(anvil falls on her head) Ow!

MARY: Sorry, but I'm in control and I say you stay. Now, as you were saying?

LESTRADE: (giving murderous glances to host) Fine. I am an inspector at New Scotland Yard. There, happy now?

MARY: No....but it'll do for now. Okay, let's play The Dating Game! All right, Beth...there are three bachelors and you have to ask each one a question from the cards in front of you. You can ask them each a different question, or use the same one. Ready?

LESTRADE: Do I have a choice?

MARY: Hmmm...Let me think.... NO!

LESTRADE: (looking at first card) Okay. Bachelor #1, what would you do on our first date?

BACH #1: (eagerly) I would take you to the finest restaurant in town, o beautiful lady, and ply you with wine and music. Please say you'll pick me, please, please, please, please, please...Mmph!

MARY: Okay, that's enough Br.... Er, Bachelor #1.
(mumbles to herself) Pathetic.
(out loud) Go ahead, Beth.

LESTRADE: (with an odd look on her face) Riiiight. Bachelor #2, same question.

BACH #2: I would take you on a romantic cruise in the holodeck, or maybe a picnic, or....
(mutters) I'm not very good at this.

LESTRADE: nice. Bachelor #3, what about you?

BACH #3: (in a cultured British accent) Hmm... It's hard to say. After all, you did say it was a first date? I would take you to a small, nice restaurant, where we could get to know each other better.


Sorry, i couldn't think of any more questions. Suggestions are welcome.

Re: The Dating Game! I hope you don't mind me adding...

Posted by Liz de Jong on 5/28/2001, 4:25 pm, in reply to "The Dating Game!"

~after the commercial break~

HOST (MARY): Well, then, Beth, how are you liking the choices so far?

LESTRADE: Choices? look, I still don't really get...

MARY: (interrupts) Good! Nice to hear. Anyhow, moving on....

LESTRADE: HEY! Hold on a minute.

MARY: Nope, sorry, we're pressed for time. Just read the second card.

LESTRADE: (lets out an exasperated noise, as only lestrade can do) FINE. Bachelor #1, if you could be any animal...
(reading more of herself now, in disbelief) What would you be....? What in the heck does this have to do with anything?

BACH #1: well... that depends. Do you prefer cute and fuzzy rabbits? or... no, wait.. I'll bet you're a cat person. You look like a cat person....

MARY: Uh... huh. Moving on, then....

BACH #2: Oh, I have no idea. Perhaps... ah... an iguana?

MARY: You ARE starting to scare me. But moving right along....

BACH #3: (thinks long and hard about this answer) Well, I suppose, once one thinks about it, something along the lines of a dolphin or something of the sort, I suppose. I would miss my thinking ability too much, and they, apparently, are smart, so....

LESTRADE: (getting suspicious) This is all very.. odd.
(shoots another glare at Mary)

MARY: (smiles rather largely and innocently, waving to the camera) No, not at all.

Another commercial break, then!

Posted by Mary on 5/28/2001, 8:10 pm, in reply to "Re: The Dating Game! I hope you don't mind me adding..."

MARY: All right, then we're back! Next question, Inspector Beth.

LESTRADE: (muttering) Inspector Beth?
(out loud) Bachelor #1, what song would you sing to get me to go out with you?
(muttering again) As if any song would get me to go out with these weirdos.

MARY: Now, now, Inspector, be nice. Go on, Bachelor #1.

BACH #1: I would sing any song your heart desires.

MARY: (sighs and shakes her head) He'll never learn.

LESTRADE: Okay, Bachelor #2, same question.

BACH #2: I would, wait...yeah, that.. but then....

MARY: Next!!!!

BACH #3: I fail to see the point in this question.
(sees Mary looking at him angrily) However, if it is necessary, I would not sing but play a musical instrument.

LESTRADE: Okay, next question. Huh? This question doesn't make any sense.

MARY: Just read the question, Inspector Beth.

LESTRADE: What do you dream about?

BACH #1: You!!!!!! I dream about you.

LESTRADE: You don't even know me.

BACH #1: (falling over and groaning)

LESTRADE: Same question, number 2.

BACH #2: I dream about cats coming and tearing me limb from limb, and then Voyager blows up.

MARY: You need serious therapy. Go on, Bachelor #3.

BACH #3: My dreams are personal. You can drop any number of anvils on my head, blow me up, or whatever, but I will not reveal my personal life.

MARY: Darn! Okay, Inspector Beth, time to choose. Who's going to be the lucky guy?

LESTRADE: (sarcastically) Gee, it's sooo hard.
(takes a deep breath) Okay, I guess it'll be Bachelor #3.

AUDIENCE: (cheers)

BACH #3: (steps from behind the curtain)

LESTRADE: Holmes?!


MARY: Okay, now, let's meet the losers! Come on out, you guys.

BACH #1 and #2: (come from behind the curtain)

LESTRADE: I have never seen these two before in my life.

MARY: That's because Bachelor #1 is Brock from Pokemon. And #2 is Harry Kim from Star Trek: Voyager.

BROCK: (sadly) Oh, my one true love, gone.

MARY: One true love? What about Officer Jenny and Nurse Joy?

BROCK: (drooling) Officer Jenny. Nurse Joy.

MARY: Me and my big mouth. Okay, everybody, that's the end of tonight's show, but tune in tomorrow night when we have...dunh, dunh, dunh..Professor Moriarty!
(waves as camera starts panning out.)

LESTRADE: Wait a minute!
(camera stops and everybody looks at her) What about me and Holmes?

MARY: Duh! It's called The Dating Game! You go out on a 'date'. That's all the time we have, folks. Goodnight!

(show ends)


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