MST: Uh Oh...Not Again....

Chapter 2

by Mary Christmas (unicorn_76010 at

Chapter Two: Harry and Ginny Can't Talk Now!

After a few moments of hesitation -- in which Lestrade absolutely refused to eat anything given by Her -- everyone finally dug in. After all, as Holmes quite logically pointed out, why would Mary poison them when she wanted to torture them with stories? Lestrade had mumbled something under her breath that Holmes couldn't quite make out, but she too had started eating the food. Who knew how long they were going to be in their current predicament?

Holmes raised an eyebrow when he noticed Harry and Ginny yet again whispering and giggling. "May I ask what it is that you find so amusing?"

They both flushed guiltily and then Harry stammered, "Well, see...You and Lestrade sound a lot like my friends Ron and Hermione when they argue and....well, we..."

"...were just commenting on the similarity," Ginny jumped in. The boy flashed her a grateful smile and then nodded at Holmes.

Lestrade glowered at them, having just finished the single strawberry she had picked up (no point in testing fate). They flushed again and went silent.

Holmes smiled. It was as just as he had expected. However, little did they know that the tables were about to be turned. He leaned over to whisper in Lestrade's ear, and had to grab her arm to hold her still when she pushed him away.

"Are you mad?" she hissed furiously. "We don't want to give the little buggers any more ideas...."

"Is it not what they themselves are doing?" When no answer was forthcoming he nodded in satisfaction, "We shall simply have to turn their matchmaking schemes back on them...."

Dawning comprehension flashed across Lestrade's features before it was quickly replaced by her normal sullen attitude. She leaned back in -- not before giving the other two a glare -- and said, "We can make them think that we're falling for it and then...."

Holmes nodded and looked back over at the two who were gazing at them with knowing expressions. He frowned slightly and looked away, feigning embarrassment.

At that particular moment, another sheaf of papers fluttered into Harry's lap. The boy swallowed and looked over at Holmes expectantly. Holmes shrugged.

"I suppose it means that it is your turn to read."

Harry swallowed again, then cleared his throat and began reading....

Summer at the Dursleys?!

Harry: This is why I really didn't want to read this....

Lestrade: Oh! You mean we finally get to know what you kids are exactly?

Harry: (shrugs) I dunno....

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em.

Lestrade: (frowning) Well I should hope not...but...why exactly is this on here?

Holmes: Does it matter?

Summary: Fred, George, Hermione, Ron and Ginny are all staying at the Dursleys' for the summer, as it's the most protected spot, aside from Hogwarts. After a single day, Hermione comes up with a plan to get them out of the Dursleys' way. However, something goes wrong....

Harry&Ginny: (look at each other horrified)

Ginny: There is no way possible any of would ever spend any time whatsoever in that place! (glances hurriedly at Harry) No offense.

Harry: (shakes his head) None taken...I don't blame you....

A/N: This is supposed to be a humorous fic...unfortunately I fail horribly at that,

Lestrade: (sarcastically) Really? I had no idea....

so simply pretend that it's funny, k? Also, this is just a little something I had running around in my head, and the darn plot bunnies won't let me sleep til I at least try to get it written out. Stupid little things. Why can't I have muses like regular writers?

Lestrade: Because no sane muse would go anywhere near you....

Harry tried in vain to stifle the laughter building up as he watched Fred and George's antics. Not using any magic at all, had not had any effect on their exuberance or creativity whatsoever. So far today, Aunt Petunia had woken up completely bald (George had put Nair in her shampoo the night before), Dudley had been holed up in the bathroom all day, and Uncle Vernon was pounding on the door hollering for him to hurry up (that was Fred's doing).

Harry&Ginny: (cheer)

Lestrade: (rolls her eyes) Kids.

Harry: Good 'ol Fred and George....

Ginny: (snickers) Well, so far she seems to be doing an excellent job.... (stops when she sees Holmes shaking his head in the negative)

Lestrade: (having already caught the gist of it, scowls) You mean she's got you guys in character?

Harry: Er...continuing on....

Midafternoon the previous day, Professor Dumbledore had shown up with the twins, Ron, Ginny and Hermione in tow. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia hadn't dared disagree when he had told them they would be staying the summer with them. They were a bit relieved when he had said that they weren't allowed to do magic outside of the school, and when he had confiscated all of the twins' 'stockpile'.

Ginny: (snorts) As if that'd stop Fred and George...

Their relief was shortlived as the twins had, as mentioned before, managed to cause quite a bit of trouble with normal, mundane muggle objects. (Especially after they had learned their uses.)

Ginny: See?

Lestrade: (grumbling) See? Yes, I see, they get to be in character. Why does Mary always torture me?

Finally unable to keep it in, Harry let loose a loud guffaw. Aunt Petunia gave him a dirty look, but that just made him laugh all the harder. He hadn't had that much fun in this house since...

Harry: (stops reading and sighs) I...don't think I can read anymore....

Ginny: (gives him a sympathetic glance and then takes the pages from him) I'll read,'s all right, Harry....

Lestrade&Holmes: (exchange knowing grins)

well, he had never had any fun whatsover in this house. He glanced over at Ron who was turning purple from laughing so hard, and forgetting to breathe.

Harry: (grinning again) Poor Ron.

Ginny and Hermione chose that moment to walk downstairs. Hermione took in the scene and tried to look severe, but Harry could tell she was trying her best not to laugh. Then she walked over to Aunt Petunia and whispered something in the outraged woman's ear. Whatever it was didn't calm her.

Harry: (shaking his head) Well, of course it didn't! Aunt Petunia doesn't like our kind.

Lestrade: What exactly is your kind?

Ginny: (bites her lip and then answers) We're wizards. We can do magic.

Lestrade: Oh...well...carry on....

"I am not wasting our hard-earned money on!"

Lestrade: Now that was just uncalled for! (not looking as angry as she sounds)

Harry: She's in character too, I'm afraid....

Lestrade: (grumbles)

Hermione looked a bit taken aback by the force of the words, and then she looked determined. "I have plenty of money to do this, Mrs. Dursley. Besides, it'll get us out of your hair for a couple of hours at the least."

Ron had stopped laughing, and even the twins were looking interested. Harry looked at his aunt and Hermione, and then over at Ginny who had a knowing smile. She also looked quite a bit excited, and he wondered exactly what plan Hermione had come up with.

Ginny: (giggles a bit)

Others: What?

Ginny: (blushes) was just remembering something....

Lestrade&Holmes: (glance at each other again and grin)

Aunt Petunia calmed down slightly, and gave Hermione a shrewd look. Harry was about to jump in and discourage her from asking the girl to pay room and board, when she gave a short nod. "All right..." She looked up to where Vernon was still knocking on the bathroom door and bellowing. "I suppose I'll have to take you." Giving them all disgusted looks, she grabbed the car keys and set off for the door.

Harry: Whoa! Now that was just too...weird....

Lestrade: You mean she got out of character?

Harry: (nods) But only a little bit...I think I can see where.... (stops when Lestrade's face turns dark)

Hermione grinned in triumph and gave them all a thumbs up. "Come on, you guys, let's go before she changes her mind." She then strode briskly after Petunia, Ginny close behind.

Still in the dark as to what was going on, Harry looked at Ron who shrugged and made to follow Hermione. Fred and George beat him to the punch, nearly pushing him to the ground. There ensued a brief battle, in which Ron did end up on the ground. Harry rolled his eyes and helped his friend to his feet as they walked out the door.

Lestrade: Gee, sounds like you guys have a lot of fun together...

Harry: (nods)


Harry looked on in amusement as the Weasleys all exclaimed over the shopping mall (Aunt Petunia having dropped them off at the entrance). They each wanted to go and have a look at something different, but Hermione told them that they were going to see something really interesting. She gave Harry a knowing glance, but he wasn't sure what to interpret from it. He had never been to the mall either. Whenever Aunt Petunia had gone shopping, Uncle Vernon was either at home, or he stayed with Mrs. Figg.

Harry: That's not true! I've been to the shopping mall lots of times...mostly because...well, I'm not sure why but she always made me go with her...How else would I have met those people who would bow to me and act like they knew me?

Lestrade: (shrugs) How should we know...this is a story by Mary....

Harry: (sighs) I guess so....

Finally, they came to their destination. At least Harry hoped it was. It was getting a bit hard to keep Fred and George from wandering off by themselves.

Ginny: (snorts) You mean we actually managed it? I'm surprised.

Harry: It must have been the secret Hermione had that kept them interested....

Lestrade:'s called writer's privileges...they can have whatever they want to happen happen...and in Mary's case it doesn't even have to have an explanation....

Harry: You really don't like her, do you?

Lestrade: (glowers)

It was the mall's theatre. He looked at all the posters of movies now showing, and tried to pretend he didn't know the Weasleys as they kept asking why the people weren't moving. Everyone passing gave them odd looks.

Ginny: Hey!

Harry: wasn't really me....

Ginny: Oh...right...(sniffs) We all know that muggle pictures don't move....

Lestrade: We have pictures that move...though I'm suspecting it's not quite what you meant.

"Wait here," Hermione said, "I'll be right back with our tickets." She walked up to a small booth and purchased six tickets for a movie. Harry couldn't quite make out the title, though it sounded like "Gold-something".

Harry: A movie? That's her big surprise?

Ginny: Oh! I'd love to see a movie?! It sounds like a lot of fun!

Harry: Me too, as I've never seen one.

Ginny: Maybe this summer we can...I mean with (blushes)

Harry: (blushes too) Yeah...of course...with everyone....

Lestrade: (pokes Holmes in the side)

Holmes: (refrains from saying anything as he has nearly this whole fic because Ginny, Harry and Lestrade are easier to write for)

"All right," she beamed handing each of them a ticket, "Now, we're going to go through here and see a movie."

"A movie? Is that like the picture box?" Fred asked.

"Er...something like that," Harry quickly inserted, before Hermione could go into cinematic history, which it looked as though she were going to. "What movie is it?"

Ginny&Harry: (bust up laughing)

Harry: Yep, that's our Hermione....

Lestrade: You mean, she would actually do something like that?

Ginny: Yes...she's something of a....

Lestrade: Know-it-all? (glances significantly at Holmes)

Holmes: (merely raises an eyebrow)

Hermione just grinned. "It's just something I thought the twins would enjoy, and I don't trust them alone so we've got to go along. I've seen the first two and I heard this one was way better. I don't much care for this type of film, but it is good for a laugh or two." She grew serious suddenly. "There hasn't been much to laugh about lately, has there?"

Harry frowned and sighed. No, there hadn't. Not with last year's events. "You're right...we'd better get going before it starts."


Lestrade: Last year's events?

Ginny: (looks at Harry who's suddenly gone white)

Holmes: Perhaps we should finish reading this later.

Harry: NO! I mean...I'll be all right...really....

Others: (don't look convinced, but Ginny keeps reading nonetheless)


Lestrade: Oh,

Ginny:'s a -- what did you call it? -- A wonderful plot twist....

Lestrade: (grins) You catch on quick.

"Groovy movie, don't you think, Fred?" George asked as they all waited for Aunt Petunia to return.

Harry: (blinks) Did you read that right, Gin?

Ginny: (rereads it) Yeah, why?

Harry: (shakes his head)

Lestrade: Groovy? I don't think I like the sound of this.

"Shagadelic, I'd say, George. Yeah, baby, yeah!" Fred answered.

All: (gasp)

Lestrade: Okay, now I know this isn't going to be good....

Ginny: You mean you didn't know before?

Lestrade: Well, you kept saying everyone was in character and...well...(sighs) I guess I should quit holding out hope....

Hermione put her head in her hands and muttered something. Harry looked over at her in concern. The movie had been hilarious, and he'd thought even Hermione had liked it. Ron, also looked concerned and put a hand on her shoulder.

Ginny&Harry: (grin)

She looked up and made a face. "I should have known they'd try to mimic that Austin guy. I should have known."

Harry: Yes, any movie that Fred and George like will automatically be off my list..

Ginny: (nods)

George suddenly slapped his hand down hard on the pavement. "Vat did you say?"

All except Lestrade: Huh?

"Now, now, Frau," Fred admonished, trying to get Dr. Evil's voice, "I'm sure the silly little girl didn't mean it. Did you, little girl?"

Lestrade: (sighs) Well, at least they're just imitating....

Holmes: (glances at her, puzzled) What do you mean?

Lestrade: Let's just say I've been allowed to read a few of Mary's other stories.

Holmes: Ah...I see.

Hermione glared at him, while Ginny, Ron and Harry all laughed. She huffed and looked over at Ron who was holding his hand to his pocket protectively.

"What have you got there, Ron?" she asked, her voice full of suspicion.

Ron beamed. "My ticket stub...Mum and Dad'll never believe I went and saw a mover."

"You mean a movie," Hermione corrected with a sniff, "And it's silly to keep hold of a ticket stub, you know."

Harry&Ginny: Uh oh....

Harry, sensing a battle forthcoming, tried to change the subject. However, before he even had a chance, a strange dark cloud settled over them. Instinctively, Harry reached for his wand, but it wasn't there. It was back in his room at Number Four Privet Drive. Then, quite suddenly, he couldn't breathe. Just before he passed out, he noticed that the others had done the same, and were all looking quite panicked.

Lestrade: A dark cloud appearing from out of nowhere, now that's interesting....


Ginny: More stars....

Lestrade: She likes them, I think....

"He's going to be all right?"

"Yes, though I suspect he might be a bit groggy when he comes to."

Harry frowned as the voices invaded his sleep. It was summer, and he hadn't had to get up and cook at all, not since the Dursley's had learned about Sirius. Then, memories came flooding back and he sat up straight, opening his eyes as he did so. He blinked as he realized he was in an unfamiliar place. It was a white room filled with all sorts of strange equipment. He looked over at the two people who had spoken. One was a tall young woman with bright red hair. She looked a bit like Ginny in her facial features. The other looked a bit like Fred. Or was it George? Again though, he was quite a bit older.

Lestrade: I have a very bad feeling about this....

"Glad to see you're up and about, Austin," the Fred or George look-alike said.

Lestrade: Yup, I was right...

Harry: What? They didn't? It was a mistake, right?

Ginny: Well...let me read a bit more...

Harry frowned and opened his mouth to deny being this Austin person, when he caught a glimpse of his father. No, it was himself. Older, perhaps, but it was him. And...he was wearing the most frightful-looking clothes. They were just like the ones that Austin Powers guy had had on in the movie. And then it hit him.

Harry: NO!

Lestrade: (mock-sadly) It is your turn, my child...

He was supposed to be Austin Powers. Harry groaned and lay back on the bed, closing his eyes as though that would shut out this horrifying prospect.

Harry: Why would I want to think about it? (slightly hysterical) I don't want to think about it!

Ginny: (pats his shoulder) There, there....

Certainly the movie had been funny enough--but he did not want to relive it. That was about when something else hit him. Ginny and Fred (or George) had called him Austin--as if they hadn't known to call him anything else. He opened his eyes to find their concerned gazes on him.

Harry: Oh, this can't be good....

Ginny: How come he gets to remember who he is?

Lestrade: (opens her mouth)

Ginny: (interrupts) I know, I's Mary... You know, I'm beginning to see why you don't like her.

Harry: (scowling) I've seen for a while now.


The young woman's look turned from concerned to confused. "I'm sorry? Was Ginny a girlfriend of yours?"

Harry&Ginny: (choke)

Lestrade&Holmes: (chuckle)

Harry quickly shook his head in the negative, and then groaned when a lancing pain reverberated through his skull. He put his hand to his head, frowning when it encountered a heavy cloth. He closed his eyes again. This was not happening...he was not lying here in some strange place, and George (or Fred) and Ginny had not forgotten who they were or who he was. And who knew where Hermione, Ron and the other twin was at?

Ginny: Probably safe at home...or trying to get help.

Lestrade: You still don't get it, do you?

Ginny: What do you mean?

Lestrade: (sighs) Never mind.

"Basil," the not-Ginny asked softly, "D'you think he's really well enough? I could...come back later if not." She sounded as though she'd rather not resort to that.

Harry: The not-Ginny? What kind of sentence is that? Wait...did she just...(chokes back laughter) One of the twins...Basil?

Ginny: (grins)

Harry very nearly choked as he tried to hold back the amazed laughter.

All except Harry: (glance at Harry)

Lestrade: (scowling) He's in character, too.

One of the twins that Basil Exposition guy? He was the most stoic, rule-abiding character in the whole movie, two things he did not think of when thinking of Fred and George. They were more like Austin than he could ever hope to be

Harry: As if I'd ever hope to be....

(and he most definitely did NOT). In fact, if either one knew about this, they'd probably have a heart attack or something.

Ginny: (grins) I've got some blackmail...I wonder if we can keep this story....

Lestrade: (looks startled) Why would you want to do that?

"Oh, yes, I absolutely certain he's perfectly well enough for the job," Fred or George (Harry couldn't quite think of him as Basil without having to keep from laughing) stated with assurance. "Austin, I'd like you to meet Agent Rita Book, codename Sixty-Nine."

Ginny: Rita? Why Rita?

Harry: So that it could be a pun?

Lestrade: (frowns) Mary....

Harry smiled and held out his hand. "Nice to meet you, Miss Book."

The girl looked a bit relieved and gave Basil (it was easier than trying to figure out which twin he was) a sideways glance, even as she clasped his hand. Harry felt a slight jolt as their hands touched, but he decided it was his imagination a few seconds later.

Lestrade: (grins) Well, looks like....

Ginny: (shoots Lestrade her own formidable death glare)

"It's nice to meet you as well, Mister Powers. Basil here has been telling me quite a bit about you." Again, she gave the other man a confused little glance.

Basil, for his part was again frowning in concern. "Perhaps you aren't well enough after all, Austin..."

"I'm well enough!" Harry quickly inserted. He had no idea as to what it was that he needed to be in good shape for, but somehow, he knew that if he stayed here he would have no chance of finding the others, or how to get out of wherever they had been sent to. Searching his mind for a reasonable excuse for not acting how this Austin character should act (besides the obvious reason that he wasn't Austin), he remembered what he had heard upon first waking. "I am a bit...groggy, though."

Ginny: (sighs)

Lestrade: Let me guess?

Harry: Who cares if I'm in character! What is your problem!?

Lestrade: My problem is that I don't want to be here!

Harry: None of us do!

Lestrade: You certainly haven't been acting like it, sitting over there and giggling like that!

Harry: What about you and Holmes?

Lestrade: What about us?

Ginny: Guys! I'm going to finish reading now, there's not that much left!

Lestrade&Harry: (continue to glare at each other)

To his relief, Basil gave him a beaming smile (honestly, if Fred or George only knew how much they were acting like Percy, they'd have an apoplexy). "That's wonderful news, Austin. I'm going to leave you two alone now; no funny business, Austin. Agent Book will fill you in on the details."

Harry: Funny business?

Lestrade: (still glaring) You're Austin Powers, what do you think?

Harry: I don't know who Austin Powers is!

Holmes: Lestrade, you are the only one who does, so please try to keep your temper in check.

Lestrade: (whirls on Holmes) Don't tell me what to do you you...artifact!

Holmes: (looks hurt)

Lestrade: I'm sorry...I didn't mean it...I....

Holmes: (coldly) Continue reading, Miss Weasley.

Harry frowned as he watched Basil leave, wondering what the man could possibly mean. Then he shrugged and turned to Ginny. She was staring at him oddly and after a few minutes he asked impatiently, "Well?"

Agent Book cleared her throat slightly and shook her head. "Dr. Evil has kidnapped Basil Exposition."

All: Huh?

"I thought the guy who just left was Basil?" Harry asked, more confused than ever now.

Lestrade: You're not the only one....(glances over at Holmes but he appears to be ignoring her)

Ginny: Wait...Fred and George are twins...

Harry: So? (dawns on him) Oh....

"Well, yes, he is the real Basil...but it seems that he has a look-alike. We received this footage in the mail today." She took what looked like a fancy remote to a telly and pointed at the wall, pressing a button as she did so. Almost at once a large screen came out of the wall. Ginny pressed another button and the screen came to life.

Harry gaped as he stared at his best friend. For it was Ron who stared back with a malicious sneer. It would have been effective, except that he was completely bald and was holding his pinky finger up to his lower lip. Harry let loose a small groan. This was not happening. It was not!

Harry&Ginny: (start laughing again)

Ginny: Poor Ron!

"Ministry of Defense!" Ron shouted, "I have kidnapped Basil Exposition, and unless you give me five billion, kazillion, trillion, million bumbalillion, tillion analyxiillion Galleons I will...what?"

Ginny: I knew Ron was obsessed with money...but this....

Harry: Yeah...are you two even listening?

Holmes&Lestrade: Yes!

Ron turned his face to someone offscreen. Another voice could be heard, though it was muffled. "Whatever, Scott, talk to the hand." He turned back to the screen. "As I was saying, unless I receive payment...I will launch Mister Exposition into the sun! Muahahahahahahaha, muahahahaha, muahahaha! Oh and just in case you don't believe me...."

The screen switched views and the other twin was shown, tied up in the corner and looking very frazzled indeed. "Ron, you prat, let me go! This isn't funny! Stop pretending! I'm George, not Basil Exposition! I mean, c'mon!" The screen then switched back to Ron, "Nice try, Exposition. Remember, by midnight tomorrow night!" The screen went blank.

Harry: I'm not the only one who knows who I am!

Ginny: No, lots of people know you're Harry Potter.

Harry: That's not what I meant....

At least that answered Harry's question as to which was which.

Lestrade: That's it? What's the catch?

Harry: You mean...she's just gonna leave it like that?

Lestrade: Looks like it. (scowls)

Holmes: Really, I would think you'd be happy not to read any more, especially as it shows you in a rather unflattering light

Harry: Yeah, just...leaves you there....

Ginny: Yeah!!

A/N: And I'm leaving ya'll here too, heheheh...Maureen, I would love for you to MST one of your own works...You're right, these guys need to SQUIRM!!

On to Part 3!

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