MST: Uh Oh...Not Again....
by Mary Christmas (unicorn_76010 at lycos.com)
Chapter Two: Harry and Ginny Can't Talk Now!
After a few moments of hesitation -- in which Lestrade absolutely
refused to eat anything given by Her -- everyone finally dug in.
After all, as Holmes quite logically pointed out, why would Mary
poison them when she wanted to torture them with stories?
Lestrade had mumbled something under her breath that Holmes
couldn't quite make out, but she too had started eating the food.
Who knew how long they were going to be in their current
Holmes raised an eyebrow when he noticed Harry and Ginny yet
again whispering and giggling. "May I ask what it is that you find so
They both flushed guiltily and then Harry stammered, "Well,
er...you see...You and Lestrade sound a lot like my friends Ron
and Hermione when they argue and....well, we..."
"...were just commenting on the similarity," Ginny jumped in.
The boy flashed her a grateful smile and then nodded at Holmes.
Lestrade glowered at them, having just finished the single
strawberry she had picked up (no point in testing fate). They flushed
again and went silent.
Holmes smiled. It was as just as he had expected. However,
little did they know that the tables were about to be turned. He
leaned over to whisper in Lestrade's ear, and had to grab her arm
to hold her still when she pushed him away.
"Are you mad?" she hissed furiously. "We don't want to give the
little buggers any more ideas...."
"Is it not what they themselves are doing?" When no answer was
forthcoming he nodded in satisfaction, "We shall simply have to
turn their matchmaking schemes back on them...."
Dawning comprehension flashed across Lestrade's features before
it was quickly replaced by her normal sullen attitude. She leaned
back in -- not before giving the other two a glare -- and said, "We
can make them think that we're falling for it and then...."
Holmes nodded and looked back over at the two who were gazing
at them with knowing expressions. He frowned slightly and looked
away, feigning embarrassment.
At that particular moment, another sheaf of papers fluttered
into Harry's lap. The boy swallowed and looked over at Holmes
expectantly. Holmes shrugged.
"I suppose it means that it is your turn to read."
Harry swallowed again, then cleared his throat and began
Summer at the Dursleys?!
Harry: This is why I really didn't want to read this....
Lestrade: Oh! You mean we finally get to know what you kids are
Harry: (shrugs) I dunno....
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em.
Lestrade: (frowning) Well I should hope not...but...why exactly is
this on here?
Holmes: Does it matter?
Summary: Fred, George, Hermione, Ron and Ginny are all
staying at the Dursleys' for the summer, as it's the most
protected spot, aside from Hogwarts. After a single day, Hermione
comes up with a plan to get them out of the Dursleys' way.
However, something goes wrong....
Harry&Ginny: (look at each other horrified)
Ginny: There is no way possible any of would ever spend any time
whatsoever in that place! (glances hurriedly at Harry) No offense.
Harry: (shakes his head) None taken...I don't blame you....
A/N: This is supposed to be a humorous
fic...unfortunately I fail horribly at that,
Lestrade: (sarcastically) Really? I had no idea....
so simply pretend that it's funny, k? Also, this is just a
little something I had running around in my head, and the darn plot
bunnies won't let me sleep til I at least try to get it written out.
Stupid little things. Why can't I have muses like regular writers?
Lestrade: Because no sane muse would go anywhere near you....
Harry tried in vain to stifle the laughter building up as he
watched Fred and George's antics. Not using any magic at all, had
not had any effect on their exuberance or creativity
whatsoever. So far today, Aunt Petunia had woken up completely
bald (George had put Nair in her shampoo the night before),
Dudley had been holed up in the bathroom all day, and Uncle
Vernon was pounding on the door hollering for him to hurry up
(that was Fred's doing).
Lestrade: (rolls her eyes) Kids.
Harry: Good 'ol Fred and George....
Ginny: (snickers) Well, so far she seems to be doing an excellent
job.... (stops when she sees Holmes shaking his head in the negative)
Lestrade: (having already caught the gist of it, scowls) You mean
she's got you guys in character?
Harry: Er...continuing on....
Midafternoon the previous day, Professor Dumbledore had
shown up with the twins, Ron, Ginny and Hermione in tow. Uncle
Vernon and Aunt Petunia hadn't dared disagree when he had told
them they would be staying the summer with them. They were a bit
relieved when he had said that they weren't allowed to do magic
outside of the school, and when he had confiscated all of the
Ginny: (snorts) As if that'd stop Fred and George...
Their relief was shortlived as the twins had, as mentioned
before, managed to cause quite a bit of trouble with normal,
mundane muggle objects. (Especially after they had learned their
Lestrade: (grumbling) See? Yes, I see, they get to be in character.
Why does Mary always torture me?
Finally unable to keep it in, Harry let loose a loud guffaw.
Aunt Petunia gave him a dirty look, but that just made him laugh
all the harder. He hadn't had that much fun in this house
Harry: (stops reading and sighs) I...don't think I can read
Ginny: (gives him a sympathetic glance and then takes the pages
from him) I'll read, then...it's all right, Harry....
Lestrade&Holmes: (exchange knowing grins)
well, he had never had any fun whatsover in this house. He
glanced over at Ron who was turning purple from laughing so hard, and
forgetting to breathe.
Harry: (grinning again) Poor Ron.
Ginny and Hermione chose that moment to walk downstairs.
Hermione took in the scene and tried to look severe, but Harry
could tell she was trying her best not to laugh. Then she walked
over to Aunt Petunia and whispered something in the outraged
woman's ear. Whatever it was didn't calm her.
Harry: (shaking his head) Well, of course it didn't! Aunt Petunia
doesn't like our kind.
Lestrade: What exactly is your kind?
Ginny: (bites her lip and then answers) We're wizards. We can do
Lestrade: Oh...well...carry on....
"I am not wasting our hard-earned money on
Lestrade: Now that was just uncalled for! (not looking as angry as
Harry: She's in character too, I'm afraid....
Hermione looked a bit taken aback by the force of the words,
and then she looked determined. "I have plenty of money to do
this, Mrs. Dursley. Besides, it'll get us out of your hair for a
couple of hours at the least."
Ron had stopped laughing, and even the twins were looking
interested. Harry looked at his aunt and Hermione, and then over
at Ginny who had a knowing smile. She also looked quite a bit
excited, and he wondered exactly what plan Hermione had come up
Ginny: (giggles a bit)
Ginny: (blushes) Oh...er...nothing...I was just remembering
Lestrade&Holmes: (glance at each other again and grin)
Aunt Petunia calmed down slightly, and gave Hermione a
shrewd look. Harry was about to jump in and discourage her from
asking the girl to pay room and board, when she gave a short nod.
"All right..." She looked up to where Vernon was still knocking
on the bathroom door and bellowing. "I suppose I'll have to take
you." Giving them all disgusted looks, she grabbed the car keys
and set off for the door.
Harry: Whoa! Now that was just too...weird....
Lestrade: You mean she got out of character?
Harry: (nods) But only a little bit...I think I can see
where.... (stops when Lestrade's face turns dark)
Hermione grinned in triumph and gave them all a thumbs up.
"Come on, you guys, let's go before she changes her mind." She
then strode briskly after Petunia, Ginny close behind.
Still in the dark as to what was going on, Harry looked at Ron
who shrugged and made to follow Hermione. Fred and George beat
him to the punch, nearly pushing him to the ground. There ensued
a brief battle, in which Ron did end up on the ground. Harry
rolled his eyes and helped his friend to his feet as they walked
out the door.
Lestrade: Gee, sounds like you guys have a lot of fun together...
Harry looked on in amusement as the Weasleys all exclaimed
over the shopping mall (Aunt Petunia having dropped them off at
the entrance). They each wanted to go and have a look at
something different, but Hermione told them that they were going
to see something really interesting. She gave Harry a knowing
glance, but he wasn't sure what to interpret from it. He had
never been to the mall either. Whenever Aunt Petunia had gone
shopping, Uncle Vernon was either at home, or he stayed with Mrs.
Harry: That's not true! I've been to the shopping mall lots of
times...mostly because...well, I'm not sure why but she always
made me go with her...How else would I have met those people who
would bow to me and act like they knew me?
Lestrade: (shrugs) How should we know...this is a story by Mary....
Harry: (sighs) I guess so....
Finally, they came to their destination. At least Harry
hoped it was. It was getting a bit hard to keep Fred and George from
wandering off by themselves.
Ginny: (snorts) You mean we actually managed it? I'm surprised.
Harry: It must have been the secret Hermione had that kept them
Lestrade: No...it's called writer's privileges...they can have
whatever they want to happen happen...and in Mary's case it
doesn't even have to have an explanation....
Harry: You really don't like her, do you?
It was the mall's theatre. He looked at all the posters of
movies now showing, and tried to pretend he didn't know the
Weasleys as they kept asking why the people weren't moving.
Everyone passing gave them odd looks.
Harry: Er...it wasn't really me....
Ginny: Oh...right...(sniffs) We all know that muggle pictures don't
Lestrade: We have pictures that move...though I'm suspecting it's
not quite what you meant.
"Wait here," Hermione said, "I'll be right back with our
tickets." She walked up to a small booth and purchased six
tickets for a movie. Harry couldn't quite make out the title,
though it sounded like "Gold-something".
Harry: A movie? That's her big surprise?
Ginny: Oh! I'd love to see a movie?! It sounds like a lot of fun!
Harry: Me too, as I've never seen one.
Ginny: Maybe this summer we can...I mean with everyone...er...well.
Harry: (blushes too) Yeah...of course...with everyone....
Lestrade: (pokes Holmes in the side)
Holmes: (refrains from saying anything as he has nearly this whole
fic because Ginny, Harry and Lestrade are easier to write for)
"All right," she beamed handing each of them a ticket, "Now,
we're going to go through here and see a movie."
"A movie? Is that like the picture box?" Fred asked.
"Er...something like that," Harry quickly inserted, before
Hermione could go into cinematic history, which it looked as
though she were going to. "What movie is it?"
Ginny&Harry: (bust up laughing)
Harry: Yep, that's our Hermione....
Lestrade: You mean, she would actually do something like that?
Ginny: Yes...she's something of a....
Lestrade: Know-it-all? (glances significantly at Holmes)
Holmes: (merely raises an eyebrow)
Hermione just grinned. "It's just something I thought the
twins would enjoy, and I don't trust them alone so we've got to
go along. I've seen the first two and I heard this one was way
better. I don't much care for this type of film, but it is good
for a laugh or two." She grew serious suddenly. "There hasn't
been much to laugh about lately, has there?"
Harry frowned and sighed. No, there hadn't. Not with last
year's events. "You're right...we'd better get going before it
Lestrade: Last year's events?
Ginny: (looks at Harry who's suddenly gone white)
Holmes: Perhaps we should finish reading this later.
Harry: NO! I mean...I'll be all right...really....
Others: (don't look convinced, but Ginny keeps reading nonetheless)
Lestrade: Oh, stars...how...interesting....
Ginny: Yeah...it's a -- what did you call it? -- A wonderful plot
Lestrade: (grins) You catch on quick.
"Groovy movie, don't you think, Fred?" George asked as they
all waited for Aunt Petunia to return.
Harry: (blinks) Did you read that right, Gin?
Ginny: (rereads it) Yeah, why?
Harry: (shakes his head)
Lestrade: Groovy? I don't think I like the sound of this.
"Shagadelic, I'd say, George. Yeah, baby, yeah!" Fred
Lestrade: Okay, now I know this isn't going to be good....
Ginny: You mean you didn't know before?
Lestrade: Well, you kept saying everyone was in character
and...well...(sighs) I guess I should quit holding out hope....
Hermione put her head in her hands and muttered something.
Harry looked over at her in concern. The movie had been
hilarious, and he'd thought even Hermione had liked it. Ron, also
looked concerned and put a hand on her shoulder.
She looked up and made a face. "I should have known they'd
try to mimic that Austin guy. I should have known."
Harry: Yes, any movie that Fred and George like will automatically
be off my list..
George suddenly slapped his hand down hard on the pavement.
"Vat did you say?"
All except Lestrade: Huh?
"Now, now, Frau," Fred admonished, trying to get Dr. Evil's
voice, "I'm sure the silly little girl didn't mean it. Did you, little
Lestrade: (sighs) Well, at least they're just imitating....
Holmes: (glances at her, puzzled) What do you mean?
Lestrade: Let's just say I've been allowed to read a few of Mary's
Holmes: Ah...I see.
Hermione glared at him, while Ginny, Ron and Harry all
laughed. She huffed and looked over at Ron who was holding his hand to
his pocket protectively.
"What have you got there, Ron?" she asked, her voice full of
Ron beamed. "My ticket stub...Mum and Dad'll never believe I
went and saw a mover."
"You mean a movie," Hermione corrected with a sniff, "And it's
silly to keep hold of a ticket stub, you know."
Harry&Ginny: Uh oh....
Harry, sensing a battle forthcoming, tried to change the
subject. However, before he even had a chance, a strange dark
cloud settled over them. Instinctively, Harry reached for his
wand, but it wasn't there. It was back in his room at Number Four
Privet Drive. Then, quite suddenly, he couldn't breathe. Just
before he passed out, he noticed that the others had done the
same, and were all looking quite panicked.
Lestrade: A dark cloud appearing from out of nowhere, now that's
Ginny: More stars....
Lestrade: She likes them, I think....
"He's going to be all right?"
"Yes, though I suspect he might be a bit groggy when he comes
Harry frowned as the voices invaded his sleep. It was summer,
and he hadn't had to get up and cook at all, not since the
Dursley's had learned about Sirius. Then, memories came flooding
back and he sat up straight, opening his eyes as he did so. He
blinked as he realized he was in an unfamiliar place. It was a
white room filled with all sorts of strange equipment. He looked
over at the two people who had spoken. One was a tall young woman
with bright red hair. She looked a bit like Ginny in her facial
features. The other looked a bit like Fred. Or was it George?
Again though, he was quite a bit older.
Lestrade: I have a very bad feeling about this....
"Glad to see you're up and about, Austin," the Fred or George
Lestrade: Yup, I was right...
Harry: What? They didn't? It was a mistake, right?
Ginny: Well...let me read a bit more...
Harry frowned and opened his mouth to deny being this Austin
person, when he caught a glimpse of his father. No, it was
himself. Older, perhaps, but it was him. And...he was wearing the
most frightful-looking clothes. They were just like the ones that
Austin Powers guy had had on in the movie. And then it hit him.
Lestrade: (mock-sadly) It is your turn, my child...
He was supposed to be Austin Powers. Harry groaned and lay
back on the bed, closing his eyes as though that would shut out this
Harry: Why would I want to think about it? (slightly hysterical) I
don't want to think about it!
Ginny: (pats his shoulder) There, there....
Certainly the movie had been funny enough--but he did not
want to relive it. That was about when something else hit him.
Ginny and Fred (or George) had called him Austin--as if they
hadn't known to call him anything else. He opened his eyes to
find their concerned gazes on him.
Harry: Oh, this can't be good....
Ginny: How come he gets to remember who he is?
Lestrade: (opens her mouth)
Ginny: (interrupts) I know, I know...it's Mary... You know, I'm
beginning to see why you don't like her.
Harry: (scowling) I've seen for a while now.
The young woman's look turned from concerned to confused. "I'm
sorry? Was Ginny a girlfriend of yours?"
Harry quickly shook his head in the negative, and then
groaned when a lancing pain reverberated through his skull. He
put his hand to his head, frowning when it encountered a heavy
cloth. He closed his eyes again. This was not happening...he was
not lying here in some strange place, and George (or Fred) and
Ginny had not forgotten who they were or who he was. And who knew
where Hermione, Ron and the other twin was at?
Ginny: Probably safe at home...or trying to get help.
Lestrade: You still don't get it, do you?
Ginny: What do you mean?
Lestrade: (sighs) Never mind.
"Basil," the not-Ginny asked softly, "D'you think he's really well
enough? I could...come back later if not." She sounded as though
she'd rather not resort to that.
Harry: The not-Ginny? What kind of sentence is that? Wait...did she
just...(chokes back laughter) One of the twins...Basil?
Harry very nearly choked as he tried to hold back the amazed
All except Harry: (glance at Harry)
Lestrade: (scowling) He's in character, too.
One of the twins that Basil Exposition guy? He was the most
stoic, rule-abiding character in the whole movie, two things he
did not think of when thinking of Fred and George. They were more
like Austin than he could ever hope to be
Harry: As if I'd ever hope to be....
(and he most definitely did NOT). In fact, if either one knew
about this, they'd probably have a heart attack or something.
Ginny: (grins) I've got some blackmail...I wonder if we can keep
Lestrade: (looks startled) Why would you want to do that?
"Oh, yes, I absolutely certain he's perfectly well enough
for the job," Fred or George (Harry couldn't quite think of him
as Basil without having to keep from laughing) stated with
assurance. "Austin, I'd like you to meet Agent Rita Book,
Ginny: Rita? Why Rita?
Harry: So that it could be a pun?
Lestrade: (frowns) Mary....
Harry smiled and held out his hand. "Nice to meet you, Miss
The girl looked a bit relieved and gave Basil (it was easier
than trying to figure out which twin he was) a sideways glance,
even as she clasped his hand. Harry felt a slight jolt as their
hands touched, but he decided it was his imagination a few
Lestrade: (grins) Well, looks like....
Ginny: (shoots Lestrade her own formidable death glare)
"It's nice to meet you as well, Mister Powers. Basil here
has been telling me quite a bit about you." Again, she gave the other
man a confused little glance.
Basil, for his part was again frowning in concern. "Perhaps you
aren't well enough after all, Austin..."
"I'm well enough!" Harry quickly inserted. He had no idea as to
what it was that he needed to be in good shape for, but somehow,
he knew that if he stayed here he would have no chance of finding
the others, or how to get out of wherever they had been sent to.
Searching his mind for a reasonable excuse for not acting how
this Austin character should act (besides the obvious reason that
he wasn't Austin), he remembered what he had heard upon first
waking. "I am a bit...groggy, though."
Lestrade: Let me guess?
Harry: Who cares if I'm in character! What is your problem!?
Lestrade: My problem is that I don't want to be here!
Harry: None of us do!
Lestrade: You certainly haven't been acting like it, sitting over
there and giggling like that!
Harry: What about you and Holmes?
Lestrade: What about us?
Ginny: Guys! I'm going to finish reading now, there's not that much
Lestrade&Harry: (continue to glare at each other)
To his relief, Basil gave him a beaming smile (honestly, if
Fred or George only knew how much they were acting like Percy,
they'd have an apoplexy). "That's wonderful news, Austin. I'm
going to leave you two alone now; no funny business, Austin. Agent
Book will fill you in on the details."
Harry: Funny business?
Lestrade: (still glaring) You're Austin Powers, what do you think?
Harry: I don't know who Austin Powers is!
Holmes: Lestrade, you are the only one who does, so please try to
keep your temper in check.
Lestrade: (whirls on Holmes) Don't tell me what to do you
Holmes: (looks hurt)
Lestrade: I'm sorry...I didn't mean it...I....
Holmes: (coldly) Continue reading, Miss Weasley.
Harry frowned as he watched Basil leave, wondering what the
man could possibly mean. Then he shrugged and turned to Ginny.
She was staring at him oddly and after a few minutes he asked
Agent Book cleared her throat slightly and shook her head. "Dr.
Evil has kidnapped Basil Exposition."
"I thought the guy who just left was Basil?" Harry asked,
more confused than ever now.
Lestrade: You're not the only one....(glances over at Holmes but he
appears to be ignoring her)
Ginny: Wait...Fred and George are twins...
Harry: So? (dawns on him) Oh....
"Well, yes, he is the real Basil...but it seems that he has
a look-alike. We received this footage in the mail today." She
took what looked like a fancy remote to a telly and pointed at
the wall, pressing a button as she did so. Almost at once a large
screen came out of the wall. Ginny pressed another button and the
screen came to life.
Harry gaped as he stared at his best friend. For it was Ron who
stared back with a malicious sneer. It would have been effective,
except that he was completely bald and was holding his pinky
finger up to his lower lip. Harry let loose a small groan. This
was not happening. It was not!
Harry&Ginny: (start laughing again)
Ginny: Poor Ron!
"Ministry of Defense!" Ron shouted, "I have kidnapped Basil
Exposition, and unless you give me five billion, kazillion,
trillion, million bumbalillion, tillion analyxiillion Galleons I
Ginny: I knew Ron was obsessed with money...but this....
Harry: Yeah...are you two even listening?
Ron turned his face to someone offscreen. Another voice
could be heard, though it was muffled. "Whatever, Scott, talk to
the hand." He turned back to the screen. "As I was saying, unless
I receive payment...I will launch Mister Exposition into the sun!
Muahahahahahahaha, muahahahaha, muahahaha! Oh and just in case
you don't believe me...."
The screen switched views and the other twin was shown, tied
up in the corner and looking very frazzled indeed. "Ron, you prat,
let me go! This isn't funny! Stop pretending! I'm George, not
Basil Exposition! I mean, c'mon!" The screen then switched back
to Ron, "Nice try, Exposition. Remember, by midnight tomorrow
night!" The screen went blank.
Harry: I'm not the only one who knows who I am!
Ginny: No, lots of people know you're Harry Potter.
Harry: That's not what I meant....
At least that answered Harry's question as to which was
Lestrade: That's it? What's the catch?
Harry: You mean...she's just gonna leave it like that?
Lestrade: Looks like it. (scowls)
Holmes: Really, I would think you'd be happy not to read any more,
especially as it shows you in a rather unflattering light
Harry: Yeah, but...it just...leaves you there....
A/N: And I'm leaving ya'll here too, heheheh...Maureen, I
would love for you to MST one of your own works...You're right, these
guys need to SQUIRM!!
On to Part 3!
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