Misunderstood: Diary of a Madman

by Mary Christmas (unicorn_76010 at lycos.com)

Mary: Mmph mmpp mummummammmmmphh mmmmmaymmmm

Frodo: *grins* Chaining didn't work...so I tied her up with an Elven rope...and made her write this....

"I simply do not understand why I am hated. All I am striving for is a better world. Certainly it entails world domination, but the end justifies the means. I am simply misunderstood. My good intentions are always twisted around.

"Take last Christmas. Yes, I was planning an army of highly intelligent androids, but for peacekeeping purposes. (Once I had taken over, of course.) Of course, Holmes and his metal lackey had to foil that wonderful plan. Holmes wishes for anarchy! But I digress. Where was I?

"Oh yes, she was there as well.

"Do not even get me started on Beth Lestrade, with her flashing blue eyes, creamy white skin and...no, best to not think things like that. She is my enemy. Thanks to Holmes. When I first met her, I was perfectly polite (and astonished -- Fenwick had neglected to mention she was beautiful). However, she spurned my gesture! She called me a 'clonehead' of all things! Aside from the fact that it was unimaginative, it was rude. I despise rudeness. Now, if I could just take her into hand, and as a proper Victorian gentleman teach her her manners....

"What's that? Holmes is a proper Victorian gentleman? Ha! Far from it. Mister Sherlock Holmes was, is and always will be a Bohemian of the worst sort. Certainly I masterminded a minor criminal organization (all of London's underworld) but I at least did not resort to drug use. Oh, he made all the usual excuses: it's only seven percent, less than the legal amount; I only use it when I have nothing to stimulate my mind...

"Excuses all drug addicts make. True, he no longer uses cocaine; there isn't any here. But what happens when the novelty of the 'future' wears off? I shall simply have to make sure I'm there for Beth...Hey! Where do you think you're going?! I'm not finished!"

The large spotted dog stood, stretched and walked off. When he had first seen the human, he had been wary. But then it had started speaking, and he had walked over and sat down. In his experience humans often spoke in a kind manner like that when they were going to give handouts. All he had to do was sit and wait patiently. However, when it became apparent that no food would be forthcoming, he had decided to go on his way.


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