A New London Night's Dream

Part 1

by Selene (sherlock2103 at yahoo.com.sg) and William Shakespeare

I got a writer-block for the cheetahs story anyway.

A New London Night's Dream

Main Cast:
Sherlock Holmes---Oberon
Beth Lestrade---Titania

Director, Casting Director---Selene
Makeup artist---Deidre
Props Director--- Wiggins
Script Writer---Tennyson

The whole movie had changed its language. Almost all language, anyway.

Scene 1 (Quarrel between Oberon and Titania)

Selene: Sherlock, where is your crown?

Sherlock: Oops, I have no idea where I put it.

Selene: Go and find it!

Sherlock: (rushes off)

Deidre: (adjusting Lestrade's crown and applying powder to her face)

Lestrade: I prefer a lighter shade of blush, Deidre.

Deidre: Trust me, Inspector, I was learning makeup for movies for a while.

Lestrade: But this makes me look orange!

Deidre: It won't look that way on film.

Lestrade: (scowled) If you say so.

Deidre: I did. (applying thick, dark powder on her cheeks) Okay....done.

Selene: Places, everyone! Are we ready? Sherlock, have you found your crown yet?

Sherlock: (comes out with his crown) Yes.

Selene: Okay, quiet on the set!

Sherlock: (saw Lestrade with her makeup and tried not to laugh)

Selene: Five, four, three....

Sherlock: ....(suddenly starts laughing) , I am sorry! But Lestrade looks pretty funny with that kind of makeup! Oh my...(continue laughing)

Lestrade: (scowl) Holmes, do you want me to give you a real makeup with my fist?

Selene: Hey, stop it! Holmes, stop laughing, please! I beg of you!

Holmes: (manage to control his laughter)

Selene: Thank you.

Lestrade: I don't know why I have to act in the first place...

Selene: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... ACTION!

Sherlock: I'll met by moonlight, proud Titania!

Beth: What, jealous Oberon? Fairy, skip hence. I have forsworn his bed and company.

Sherlock: Stay, hasty and headstrong creature! Am not I your lord?

Beth: Then I must be your lady. But I know

of times when thou hast stolen away from Fairyland
And in the shape of a love-sick shepherd sat all day
Playing on pipes made of corn stalks and singing love
To amorous Phillida. Why....(stop)

Selene: What's the matter?

Beth: I forget my lines.

Selene: Damn. Tennyson, switch on the teleprompter.

Beth:...Ah! Why art thou here

Come from the farthest mountain of India
But that, forsooth, the well-built Amazon,
Your mistress and your warrior love,
To Theseus must be wedded, and you come
To give their bed joy and prosperity?
Sherlock: How canst thou thus, for shame, Titania,
Talk about my credit with an Amazon,
Knowing I know your love to Theseus?

Sherlock (comes beside Titania):

Why should Titania frustrate the desires of her Oberon?
I do but beg a little changeling boy to be my pageboy.

Beth: Set your heart at rest.

The answer is no.
His mother was a vot'ress of my order.
But she, being mortal, died of childbirth,
And for her sake do I rear up her boy
And I will not part with him. So there!

Selene: Cut! Where is that "so there" comes from?!

Beth: Oops.

Selene: Try not to use it again. Continue!

Sherlock: How long within this wood intend you stay?

Beth: Perhaps till after Theseus' wedding day.

If you will patiently dance in our round
And see our moonlight revels, go with us.
If not, shun me, and I will avoid your haunts.

Sherlock: (whispers in her ear) Give me...

Beth: (giggles)

Selene: Cut! Why are you giggling, Beth? You are suppose to be angry, not giggling!

Beth: I know! But it tickles!

Selene: Err.... Holmes, try not to get your mouth too close to her ear.

Sherlock: Roger.

Selene: Continue.

Sherlock: (whisper) Give me that boy, and I will go with you.

Beth: (face darken) Not for my fairy kingdom!(slaps Sherlock's left cheek hard)

Holmes: Ouch! Director, I am sure that's not on the script!

Selene: Whatever! That part looks pretty good!

Holmes: (rubbing his cheek)

Beth: Fairies, away! We shall quarrel outright if I longer stay!

(Beth exits with a few extras as fairies)

Selene: Cut! Good! Next part!

Sherlock: (grumbling) Well, go thy way. Thou shalt not go from this grove

Till I torment thee for this insult.

Watson: (looking at Sherlock behind a bush)

Sherlock: My gentle Puck, come here. I remember that I saw

Cupid with his bow and arrows. A certain aim he took
At a fair virgin throned in the west,
And loosened his arrow smartly from his bow
But I could see his fiery shaft
Quenched in the chaste beams of the watery moon,
And the royal vot'ress passed on,
In maiden meditation, free of love.
Yet I marked where the arrow of Cupid fell:
It fell upon a little western flower,
Before purity, now passion with love's wound,
And maidens call it 'love-in-idleness'

Some voice(Off-set): Sounds stupid.

Selene: Cut! Who is the idiot who said that?!

Moriarty: I did.

Selene: James, go and read your lines! Otherwise I won't let you off if you forget your lines later on!

Moriarty: (walks away) Why did Holmes always get the good role?...

Selene: Continue!

Sherlock: Fetch me that flower---the herb I showed thee once.

Fetch me this herb, and be thou here again

Watson: I'll put a girdle round the earth

In forty minutes! (runs off the set)

Sherlock: As soon as I have this flower,

I'll watch Titania when she is asleep
And drop the liquor of it in her eyes.
The next thing then she, waking, looks upon-
Be it on lion, bear, of wolf, or bull.
On meddling monkey or on mischievous ape-
She shall pursue it with the soul of love.
And before I take this charm from off her sight-
As I can take it with another herb-
I will make her render up her page to me.


Sherlock: Hast thou the flower there? Welcome, wanderer.

Watson: Ay, there it is. (gives him a red flower)

Sherlock: I know where she is,

Sleeping in a bank where thw wild thyme blossoms,
Where oxlips and the violet grows,
Quite overcanopied with luscious honeysuckle,
With sweet wild-roses, and with sweet-brier.
Come Watson, the game is afoot!

Selene: Cut!!!! Holmes!!!

Tennyson: (saying something to Selene)

Selene: The scene is over? Never mind then. Everybody take five!

Sherlock: Good! I am going to get a glass of water. There are so many lines for me!

Scene 2 (The beginning of Oberon's trick)

Selene: Beth, hurry up!

Beth: I'm coming, I'm coming! (coming into the set wearing a nightgown)

Moriarty: (gives a wolf-whistle)

Sherlock: (raises his eyebrows)

Beth: Shut up, Moriarty!

Selene: Places, everyone! Extras! Ready? Okay! 5,4,3...

Beth: Wait!!!

Selene: What?!

Beth: Where exactly is this bed I am supposed to be lying on?

Selene: Oopsie. Sorry, Beth. Wiggins! Wiggins!
(Gets up from her seat and went to find Wiggins)

Wiggins: (In the prop room) Yeah, Jacey...no....
(saw Selene scowling at him) Uh oh. Uh I gotta go, call you back later. Sorry, Director.

Selene: Don't do this again, please. We need the bed.

Wiggins: Right.


Selene: Action!

Beth: (Sitting on her bed) Sing me now asleep.

Then to your various tasks, and let me rest. (Lying down)

Fairies: (Start singing)

Deidre: Boy, wish I could be just like her

Fairy: Hence, away! Now all is well. Sentinel, remain behind.

Sherlock: (Comes to the set, surprises the sentinel, sentinel bows to him and Sherlock waves her away)
(squeezes the flower juice onto Beth's eyelids)

Selene: Cut! Good! Beth, you can get up now. Beth? Great! She's really asleep! Oh well, I'll let her to sleep until next scene.


On to Part 2!

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